Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
