so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
