phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
FUCK WHALES
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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