You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Enjoy the penises
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
