I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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