just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
