it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
