I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
