1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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