go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
