What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize