Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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