Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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