The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
