dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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