Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
