I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
