You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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