Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
