dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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