Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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