Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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