i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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