Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
