when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
