I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
