and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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