I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if only i could text you this smell
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
