I just gift wrapped bread.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize