someone get that fucking seahorse.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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