you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
