Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
