Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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