I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
