I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
