i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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