John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I enjoy the company of your penis
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
