i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
