I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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