i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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