i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
