and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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