was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
