I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
