I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I supernannyed him into submission
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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