can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
