I am in a vortex of obligation.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
