You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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