Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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