i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
