My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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