paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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