You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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