1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
