Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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