Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We left the knife in your bed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
