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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
