someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
