what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
