Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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