He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
