If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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