Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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