I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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