is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
