5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
