dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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