Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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