Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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