You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize