You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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