I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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