I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
