i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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