Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
