My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
