I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize