how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i think my cat just said my name.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
