i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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