Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
