When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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