Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
