he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
