that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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